high school is a reality show

im so fed up with drama,
like
i honestly am not that kind of girl who goes around shit talking people,
why?
because i have seen more then enough people get burned from starting shit.
i have seen life long friendships end over stupid shit
okay
i dont care
im not 10 years old.
i know who i can trust and they should know that they can trust me.
if they cant then clearly they have personal things to work out
because
i
dont
do
drama

730.

when meghan will be ink'd

omg omg omg.

so im getting my tattoo with hira.
for sure.

we are going to make our appointment tomorrow.
hopefunny for september 16. although earlier is good too.

its gonna cost 80$ including the deposit.

im so excited.


always love, on my foot.
im stoked <33

tat.

going for tattoo consultation tomorrow with hira :D

a bit of inspiration....

I lol'd for like 20 minutes.

Sched....

Sem 1.
eng gellert
photography taylor reid
art holmes
lunch
math data grove

Sem 2.
writers craft cadham
lunch
fashion leschied
art minor
studies in lit. keyes

you're covered...

Skins, i want to watch season 4, now.

meghan macrae is...

In love with this whole damn world.

yes i am the jealous type.
i dont show it
i try not to any ways

i feel like ill be pushing him away if i do.


but she texts you respond


you dint need to reply every time.

are you working
no.
thats all you need

when she texts back
you suck

you don tneed to be like
no you suck


lets face it no one knows how someone means something in a text message
she could take it as flirting.

i mean, why would a 20 year old you work with text you any ways
you obv gave her your number


i cant help being so angry at you.

i hate you talking to other girls all the time.

i dont ak to guys all the time.

im not saying never talk to girls
but use your common snse.








ugh.. i hate being the jealous type :(

So i saw..

District 9 and it is a very very intense movie. so epic.

you know...

you love me...

why?

why have lesbians been hitting on me like crazy these past two weeks?

he lives in my shed

does anyone know what kind of spider he is??

august 20th 8:38pm

I got it.

I got my G1, first try.
cool.

inspired?!

Recycled, An Old Post Brought A New

appearence.
we all know it, and know it well.
it is everywhere.

its when we find things appealing, pleasing and beautiful.


why is it that i seem to find SO many people to have a fantastic appearence, yet
i have only found one boy who thinks of me that way?!

not that i find every boy as wonderful as i find this one. he's so special to me.
but hes the only boy who says to me your beautiful.

is it a secret.

just as i keep others who i find pleasent in their appearence, a secret.

i dont tell.

maybe they dont tell either.

but its weird.
i feel so ... i dunno.

i guess discouraged.

i guess i lost hope.

i guess....?


why are feelings so overbearing?
they are all i think about.


im so obsessed with what people think of me,
how i think of people...


i just i guess i wish everything was more black and white.

i wish i just knew if someone liked me, and if they didnt.

im sick of people hiding their feelings.
im sick of people being fake around me.
im sick of it all.


black and white...that's all i want...

sayy wahh

What ever happened to Frankie Muniz?

Bon Voyage.

Sahel
is goin to the bahamas
im gonna miss her
so i get her some rules.


so here are some rules for you(Sahel):
-no sex cuz you might get herpes OR aids
-no makkin on randos, cuz you could get herpes or aids
-dont get stung by jelly fish cos you will have to have someone pee on you and you will get herpes or aiids
AND take lots of pics...or i will give you herpes And aids

G1

So
im taking my G1 test tomorrow.
and guess who is rumored to go on strike tomorrow
oh hai
DRIVE TEST EMPLOYYEES!

jessicas card.

card embossing ont he front...



front of the card side ways



inside of the card.

You too.

Guys are jerks.
when they are with their friends
i dont know why?

i like ot think when im with my friends i dont change.
and he hasnt in the past almost 3 years that i have known him
but recently its happened often.

is something up?
i mean is it that embarassing to be like sweet dreams and good night?
i mean you do it every other night
but tonight cos you are with your friends your too.
too what?
manly?
much of a jerk?
are you trying to prove to your friends something?
like your in charge?
its not right.
why treat me like crap.
When its just you and me
your all
Baby baby, i love you. your everything to me.
with your friends its.
yeah yea, you too, yep

like WTF
goood night.
you too.
would it kill you to sat goodnight to you too babe???
i dont get it.


when i bring it up/
you get bent out of shape and claim im over reacting.
this makes me think.
something is up.


are you hiding something?
are you embarassed of me?
are you ashamed?




I just don't understand.

Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all-helen keller

Here are a few things to do before i die...
-ride a gondola in venice
-learn to ballroom dance
-witness a taping of SNL
-visit the lourve
-learn a new language
-learn to rollerblade
-learn to say i love you in 50 different languages
-go scuba diving
-experience weightlessness
-run in a giant hampster ball (zorba)
-see the northern lights
-see 5 monuments
-Sydney Opera house, australlia
-Stone henge, UK
-St Peters Basillica, Vatican Rome
-Statues Of Easter island, chile
-Elvis monument, Graceland
-Visit peru
-ride the london eye
-go on a cruise
-discover true love
-hug a celeb.
-build a home for habitat for humanity
-donate blood
-write a letter to the editor and have it published
-sleep in a castle
-swim with dolphins
-milk a cow
-see a platypus
-watch a broadway play
-attend a major fashion event
-tape a peice of paper over my TV with a list of my ideas for new shows
-hide all the mirrors in my house
-drink the sunset
-learn forgiveness
-do something everyday for 365 days.
-take a pic of me doing everything on my bucket list.

What could possibly go wrong?!

This happened to be the quote of the day on a fairly odd parents episode today.
story of my life.
but to day it seemed
almoost redundant
so i wake up at 645.
should be out of bed by 630.
awesome.
get to school for 745
english exam at 815.
finish exam
not feeling confident.
go outside with char+elaine.
wait for buses
supposed to come at 12 pm

its 1245 pm
still waiting.
call transit
2nd time
1st- buses are on their way
2nd-oh they arent coming to day, but tomorrow.

so we walk like 5Km down bramalea Rd.
to father tobin
through constrcution
flip flops ++ dirt+asphault=FAIL

sun is scortching hot
no sun screen
so now our.
feet are black
noses are red.
shoulders+ legs are burnt.
and armpits sweaty.

on the way of course a car full of boys HONK ++scream at us
GREAT.

So we get the bus.
take it to bramalea.
chill
i come home
to find out one of my BFF's
acctually hated my guts the day before.
which i deserved
as im the biggest idiot around for what i did to her
it was un fair
and no one deserves that
and i love her <3

then i got to the bfs house im upset,
and take it out on him
and he got soo mad at me

i swear



what a great day

I Love You But...

I love you but...
i feel like you havent spent enough time with me.
like your always with them
but when you wanna chill i have to drop everything and rush over.
like i dont get it
i have a life outside from you too
but it seems like right now when i need you, your not there.

i love you but....
its kind of annoying me a little.
i try to make plans.
didnt work.
you called late.


i love you but...
youve mentioned her quite a bit since her break up.
i trust you but i cant help after someone mentioned it.
i trust you but its always in the back of my mind

i dont mind you spending time with other people
im not controlling at all.
but you are to a point i love you but....
you do act hypacrytical.
you say no guy friends for you.
yet you can have 100000000 girl friends
i never mention boys
but you do often.
you want to hang outi come over ASAP.
if i dont you guilt trip me into feeling like crap
i want to hang out and you say your busy
or oaky maybe later
or well i got the boot leg we can watch it later.
like I WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU doing omething fun instead of lying in your bed mindlessly watching TV.


i love you.


i guess im just tired.
annoyed.
im sorry.
you know i love you.
more then anything.
i just miss you!

Thought i should keep you updated.

what im Digging....

1.Kris Allen
2. Heartless-Kris Allen
3. Good girls go bad- Cobrastarship+Leighton meester
4.Sahel + London
5. Making Clothes.
6. Ugly Betty Season Finale.. i cried.
7. Steve Madden shoes
8. SUMMER!!!!
9. Betsey johnson dresses
10. SUMMER!!!!!!

OMG :|

So im freaking out a lot now.
i feel like im in trouble for something i shouldnt be.
and im scared its gonna be big trouble/
they have assured me not.
and shes just annoyed.
but i feel like i may have offended the wrong person.
am i going to be in big trouble?

im scared.

Commes Des Enfants

So these are lyrics from the song Commes Des Enfants, which my BFF sent me VIA MSN and i love it its so cute so enjoi <3

Alors tu vois, comme tout se mele
Et du coeur a tes levres, je deviens un casse-tête
Ton rire me crit, de te lacher
Avant de perdre prise, et d'abandonner
Car je ne t'en demanderai jamais autant
Déja que tu me traites, comme un grand enfant
Nous avons trop rien, a risquer
A part nos vies qu'on laisse de coté

Et il m'aime encore, et moi je t'aime un peu plus fort
Mais il m'aime encore, et moi je t'aime un peu plus fort

C'en est assez de ces dédoublements
C'est plus dure à faire, qu'autrement
Car sans rire c'est plus facile de rêver
A ce qu'on ne pourra, jamais plus toucher
On se prend la main, comme des enfants
Le bonheur aux lèvres, un peu naivement
Et on marche ensemble, d'un pas décidé
Alors que nos têtes nous crient de tout arrêter

Il m'aime encore, et toi tu m'aime un peu plus fort
Mais il m'aime encore, et moi je t'aime un peu plus fort
Et malgré ça il m'aime encore, et moi je t'aime un peu plus fort
Mais il m'aime encore, et moi je t'aime un peu plus fort

Encore, et moi je t'aime un peu plus fort
Mais il m'aime encore, et moi je t'aime un peu plus fort
Et malgré ça il m'aime encore, et moi je t'aime un peu plus fort
Mais il m'aime encore, et moi je t'aime un peu plus fort
Et malgré sa il, m'aime encore, et moi je t'aime un plus fort
Mais il m'aime encore, et moi je t'aime un peu plus fort
Et malgré ça il, m'aime encore et moi je t'aime un peu plus fort
Mais il m'aime encore, et moi je t'aime un peu plus fort







which for those of us who fail french is...
so you see, as everything combines
from deep in your lips, i'm getting a headache
your laugh defines me (crit maybe from ecrire?), to let you go
before losing, to abandon
because i'll never ask you for that.
You've already treated me like a big kid
We've got nothing to lose
Besides our lives that we've cast aside


And he still loves me, and I love you a little more
But he still loves me, and I love you a little more

Enough of these loops
It's too hard to do otherwise
Because it's easier to dream without laughing
About what we can't do, never again to touch...
We hold hands, like children
Happiness on our lips, a little naive
We walk together, with a predetermined step
Until our heads tell us to stop

And he still loves me, and I love you a little more
But he still loves me, and I love you a little more

In spite of all that he loves me, and i love you a little more.





I'm with you that's a bit of a hard one to really get the context of. I've never heard the song, just a rough translation there. I suppose its about a love triangle....

that's what you get for waking up in vegas.

im bored.
i need a new.
a new style.
new make up
new music
new something.
its too predictable.
too normal.


i need change
i made a big change.

i still feel like im missing something

well im open, you're closed.

lost.
confussed.
unknown.

i feel.
like we are on two different pages.
you say yes i say no.
you say i say good bye,i say hello,

its funny.
how two people so into each other.
so in love
so in sync

can fall apart like this.


i feel like we are opposites.

but like they say.
opposites attract.
its true.
if we were the same i would be bored.


i mean love is a battle.
to love is to be brave.
love is tragic.
love is impure.
love is whatever you want it to be.

and i want it to be
different.

whimsical.

spontanious.


i want a love worth fighting for.

one that i can live with.
cant live with out


lets face it i dont know why you like me.
i dont like me
so if you were exactly like me
i wouldnt liek you..


confussed.?
think about it.

any ways.
im confussing myself..


what i mean to say is that i love you.
yes we are different.
and we dont always agree.

but Howie Day says....
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

know your enemy.

appearence.
we all know it, and know it well.
it is everywhere.

its when we find things appealing, pleasing and beautiful.


why is it that i seem to find SO many people to have a fantastic appearence, yet
i have only found one boy who thinks of me that way?!

not that i find every boy as wonderful as i find this one. he's so special to me.
but hes the only boy who says to me your beautiful.

is it a secret.

just as i keep others who i find pleasent in their appearence, a secret.

i dont tell.

maybe they dont tell either.

but its weird.
i feel so ... i dunno.

i guess discouraged.

i guess i lost hope.

i guess....?


why are feelings so overbearing?
they are all i think about.


im so obsessed with what people think of me,
how i think of people...


i just i guess i wish everything was more black and white.

i wish i just knew if someone liked me, and if they didnt.

im sick of people hiding their feelings.
im sick of people being fake around me.
im sick of it all.


black and white...that's all i want...

Collide.

So, i finally saw you today.
it was fun.
i love love love you.
Xo.

i want to get to know you.

I love you.


so think about that,
i really do love you. and i mean it, yesi know what i love you means.

it means
i care for you.
i want to be with you
you make me laugh
you make me smile



i love you.


i love your voice.
how you talk to me
your eyes.
your arms.
your abs.

your amazing sense of humor,


i love you

yes i mean it


you give me butterflys.

you give me hope

you give me so much.


so i deserve you?!

prob. not....


but it''s okay, because i know you love me too.

i know
you care for me
you want to be with me
i make you laugh
i make you smile.


i know you love my eyes
my smile
my sense of humor
my swagg ;)

i know i give you buttterflys, and hope and all that good stuff..




i love you.








a lot.

here we go.

So i think i am shallow.
i mean arent we all?

whats the first thing you notice about someone, not their striking personality or compassionate tone.

its how they look.

and i mean i think we are all like that.

but for me i feel uuber guilty.
i can not longer look ppl in the eyes when they are talking to me.

i simply look at those around us and judge.

i already know who im talking to is pretty, i have already assessed what they are wearing, theyr hair and even perfume.


i have become so concerned about appearence.

i mean i judge people HARSHLY too. its not like a oh they are in payjama bottoms, rough day.

no, no, NO! i think WTF?!?! where do you get off1 everyone else had to get dressed this morning for school, what the hell gives you an excpetion?!

you know that hsow what not to wear i am both Stacy and clinton, at the same time + MYSELF so im like super bitch.


I like it though.

a lot...


it makes me feel good about my appearence.

and makes me ensure that i try very hard so i do not piss off like minded people.


so yeah
im a bitch
im harsh
im rude
im not nice
im picky
and ....
im judgemental.


but thats me.

so...
too bad ;)

I find it kinda funny, i find it kinda sad.

So lately i have been feeling like crap.
i feel gross.bad.not good. any other synnonyms you can think of.
Its not that i have a bad body image.
i just think hey it could be better.
but im not here to complain.
i have it better then most.


it just upsets me to see some of the most beautiful women in the world.
say they feel the same.

im not saying they dont feel that way.

but its like, if they cant be happy with themselves.
and they are perfect.
is there seuch a think as perfect?


i think.. well i dont know.

i suppose finding peace with body and mind can help.

being comftorable with who you are.
which i am 90% of the time.

but dont we all have those days where you just feel like the world should not see you.

i suppose its hard for everybody.

i guess there is more to perfection then appearence
or there should be.

imagine.

imagine. if you will
waking up every morning.
waking up to something you arenot happy with.

to no confidence
no hope
no love
no pleaseure.

imagine you wake up and you feel like crap.
you feel bloated.
and gross.


imagine you sit down to do your make up.
you realize you use make up.
you are not perfect.

imagine you put on the most amazing clothes.
and you feel horrible in them.
you are not perfect.

imagine you walk out of your house.
you look around.
it's not perfect.

what is perfect?


perfect to me is.
pure.
beauty.
love.
and humor.


your perfect.
well it's different.
your perfect is not me.


and i am okay with that.


because your not my perfect.;

im not either.


but it does exist.


imagine being me.

yeah.


i thought
so.

No.

You think you can scare me?
wear me down?
you think you can get to me?
you are wrong.

i dont care.
i hate you.
we all know it.

it's a mutual feeling.

i don't understand why this is an issue,

you did something stupid.
i didnt care.
you made it worse.
i didnt care..

I DONT CARE.

yes you make me mad.
yes your face makes me want to throw up.
yes i think you are a pussy.

Do you scare me?
NO.


you are dead to me.

DEAD.

you are an ass.
why you have friends shocks me.
why some of your friends are my friends.
i will NEVER understand.

last time i checked im not perfect.
but im not an ass hole.

you are however.

i dont get it.

i dont intend to.
i just want you to know.
yo ucan give up.
you are practically fighting a one man war.

im not fighting back.
so give up.

im not kidding.
I DONT CARE.


Do you scare me?
No.

you.

I want you.
I have you.
I love you.
I lost you.

...I want you back

10 things. for your consideration.

I hate that look you give me.
I hate that feeling i get.
I hate this.
I hate pain.
I hate a lot.
a lot about myself.
a lot about you.
a lot.

I hate that you care.
I hate that i care.
I love you.

a funny feeling

i've got this funny feeling.
i feel worthless, tired, beaten.
i feel like nothing.
to you.
i'm not pretty.
i find it harder everyday to look in the mirror.to face you.
you judge.
you hate.
i cry.
it hurts.

this feeling.
is pain
is suffering
is not being enough.

not pretty enough.
not thin enough.
not loud enough.
not smart enough.

i'm not enough.
will i be enough?
who knows.

then i met you.

you made me realize.
im not pretty enough.
im not smart enough.
im not loud enough.

you make me feel.
beautiful.
brilliant.
well-spoken.

you make me feel.
butterflys in my stomach.
light headed.
and warm.

i used to feel hate.
distress.
empty.

now i feel love.
happiness
complete.


i know im not enough.
i never will be.


but knowing that you can settle for that.

gives me a funny feeling

Moderate

So recently i was inspired by some of my best friends.
four to be exact.

i love them with all my heart, it's true.

i love them.. i don't know what i would do with out them.
they know what to say to make me feel great.
they are perfect.
in my eyes, even if not theirs.


we have the stupidest inside jokes..
you woudln't understand.
we go to the weirdest places.
you wouldn't understand.


we tell each other lots.
not everything.
because, we don't have to.

so many things i know.
and they don't need to tell me.
i can see it in their eyes.
i know them all too well.

some would say best friends.
that sounds lame.
some would say sisters,
cheesey.

i would say...


well i don;t knwo what i would call them... but i know they are amazing.

they have the best style.
it's true.

we
. laugh.
.cry.
.hug.
and even fight.

it doesnt matter.
they know i will still love them

no matter what.
im honestly speechless.
they are so amamzing and we have so many memories i don't know where to begin.



I LOVE YOU

Tessa Silva.
Sahel Tahvaldari ( i tried... i've known you how long and i still can't spell it.)
Maria Quadri
Hira Imran



<3

It's funny how when people say forever, they lie.
i will love you forever, no lie. <3